you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We had sex on a dog bed..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
