Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Randomize
