I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
