So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
