My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Randomize
