Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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