if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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