How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
