So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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