thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
