I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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