Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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