Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
