If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
