Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
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you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
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