I'm so fucking centered right now
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize