Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Randomize
