She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
