You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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