Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
