don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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