Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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