Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
