it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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