One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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