me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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