watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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