never play flip cup with pint glasses
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i believe in u and ur pee
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
