I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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