I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
