My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
