so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
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I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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