when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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