I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
