Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
