When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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