do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
