There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
