im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
