my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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