Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
