So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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