escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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