I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
