I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
