I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
