so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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