i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I will die if light touches me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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