i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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