Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

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  (734): just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies" http://tfl.nu/wh5q
  Replies (24) Good night (11406) Bad night (1658)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?

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  (818): what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/e114
  Replies (47) Good night (5675) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.

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  (920): Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet. http://tfl.nu/uu2t
  Replies (6) Good night (1617) Bad night (5498)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.

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  (781): He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie. http://tfl.nu/a1e2
  Replies (12) Good night (3964) Bad night (955)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.

  (631): View more from New York

  Cruelly.

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  (631): I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away. (631): Cruelly. http://tfl.nu/5k20
  Replies (23) Good night (4145) Bad night (1286)
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went

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  (289): he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went http://tfl.nu/wqc9
  Replies (35) Good night (1066) Bad night (8553)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.

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  (207): I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over. http://tfl.nu/vji8
  Replies (10) Good night (1548) Bad night (3103)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.

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  (484): Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that. http://tfl.nu/p43x
  Replies (6) Good night (657) Bad night (2167)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.

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  (614): Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm. http://tfl.nu/3dw9
  Replies (22) Good night (1912) Bad night (705)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  My liver just had a heart attack.

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  (714): My liver just had a heart attack. http://tfl.nu/xspi
  Replies (9) Good night (1235) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.

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  (718): I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best. http://tfl.nu/yss2
  Replies (5) Good night (1025) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Who showers for four hours?!

  (760): View more from California

  It was like a tropical nap.

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  (206): Who showers for four hours?! (760): It was like a tropical nap. http://tfl.nu/5ez6
  Replies (4) Good night (1378) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.

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  (920): He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week. http://tfl.nu/0wxx
  Replies (3) Good night (572) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public

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  (412): College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public http://tfl.nu/5mhd
  Replies (2) Good night (462) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor

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  (716): I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor http://tfl.nu/okrw
  Replies (0) Good night (205) Bad night (375)

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