I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho