Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How does one acquire holy water?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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