college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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