I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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