I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
