i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
