guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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