Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I want a musical about memes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
