and i looked up. we had an audience...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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